Tightening Things Up

My critique group is invaluable. These ladies have inspired and challenged me like nobody's business. Their goal is to find anything that might be caught by a reader that makes the narrative stumble. It can be anything as small as a comma or as huge as shallow characters. They catch POV head-hopping, author intrusion, and continuity issues. Though they, thankfully, don't have to catch those issues very often!

What I hear most often is "tighten it up." It took awhile for me to figure out the aspects of those

words, but I think I've identified them all.

• First, tightening means to remove extraneous words like that used in the sentence: Bagging the groceries that she bought, Mira overstuffed a paper sack. Other extraneous words are more valuable, but often overused. Though different for every writer, they fill the pages like pet words. For me, I can find many excessive uses of just, at least, really, only and most other words ending in ly. 
• Second, my crit gals suggest using vivid verbs. Eliminating passive sections pushes the action forward. I'm getting pretty good at removing was and were, but the could, should, would verbs still give me fits. Still, they mostly gotta go!
• I have several buddies who are it-Nazis. Because of their devotion to removing the word, along with that, this, these, and those, my manuscript has great focus, with interesting nouns to go along with my vivid verbs.

For the most part, I need to make every stinkin' word intentional. Each sentence needs to be organized in such a way to capitalize on the best parts while remaining purposeful. It's a balancing act. And the revising that I'm doing right now exactly hits these challenges. 

Here are some examples from the critique that I enjoyed last week along with my changes.

• (Before) Ray recognized the village name. He hoped that hadn’t been their destination.
  (After) Ray recognized the village name. He hoped Miguel had a different destination planned.
• (Before) He didn’t know who or how many, but people had died there. 
  (After) He didn’t know who or how many, but people died in that little stucco building.
• (Before) The little used road gave direction, but if Miguel could find it, the hooded men would have no problem. 
  (After) The little-used road gave direction, but if Miguel could find the washed-out, two-rutted track, the hooded men would have no problem.
• (Before) That worked in their favor, too.
  (After) Sunset worked in their favor, too. 

I think my biggest problem with comprehending the instructions about tightening is my preconceived notion that the word means to reduce my writing. Shortening my work isn't the goal. The aim is to make sure that the story is clearly told. Sometimes that means to remove unnecessary words, but more often I need to focus the words, writing with passion and a narrow target.

What does the term "Tightening" mean to you?

Top Ten: To Be or Not To Be ...

... Grateful.


I heard a story about an experiment that was conducted in New York. A guy dressed in ragged clothes carried a cup and a sign that said I'm Blind. He stood at a busy area on a sidewalk and collected $4 during his day-long posing. The next day, he repeated the procedure, only his sign