X is for

X-IT 

I know I'm cheating a little, but this post is a continuation of my last two posts about fears. Sometimes they are unreasonable - like heights or elevators or closed in places. Mind you, the fears are real; there's just no reason behind them.

Yesterday and the day before, I talked about some things that scared me through my childhood. They were ridiculous, goofy things that shouldn't have scared anyone, but they terrified me. And might I just add that the terror still visits every now and then when I'm at my most vulnerable? I don't stare up at the ceiling anymore, but I still hate windows at night! Yikes! (And yes, as I wrote yesterday's post in the
wee hours of the morning, I woke up dear hubby, crawling over him to get out of bed so I could avoid the window on my side. *Rolling eyes. Shaking head.*)

This time of year, I think of the old Bill Cosby bit when he wasn't supposed to be listening to a scary radio program, but he listened anyway while his parents were away for the evening. "Scare me to death. Scare me to death." It seemed the chant of all ages as Halloween neared.

But sometimes fear can be a healthy experience. What? That's just WRONG!

Wait, don't stop reading. I have a feeling you might agree with me at least in part.

I'm not talking about the willies of the last couple of posts. I'm talking about the kind of fear that refuses to be silent. The still small voice that becomes a siren exploding through your brain.

I've experienced it many times in my life, sadly, when I found myself in the wrong place at the wrong time. In college, free at last, I sowed precious few of those wild oats I hear about. Always a rule followers and conscious of the impression I left on others, I admit that I had a LOT of fun, but I could actually share it (well, most of it) with my mom. Until a group of us went to an uncut version on the Exorcist.

Back when it was made, it apparently had all types of hideous pictures added, just one frame here or there, as subliminal messages. That was the hype anyway. So I went along for a Halloween romp. That's where my word for the day comes in.

To tell the truth, the movie itself didn't scare me. It made me a little sick, but it had nothing on Boggy Creek creepies. However, when the horrible voices began speaking out of that little girl, the Holy Spirit would not allow me to sit there anymore. I sought out that beautiful glowing sign and bolted as fast as I could. I couldn't let my ears hear those Satanic sounds. I ended up sitting in the foyer waiting for my buddies for a solid hour, yes, singing worship songs.

Memories of that movie do nothing to me, except bring on the shame that I made the Holy Spirit work harder to make me listen. But that's the sort of fear I'm talking about. It's the awe, the amazement, usually resulting in profound humility, that moves me to change.

"Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Proverbs 9:10 That passage is echoed with Psalm 53:1 "A fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.'"

When I act on my own initiative, wading into places I'm sure I shouldn't go. - But hey, it's no big deal. Who cares, really? - I find myself bogged down in these verses. The healthy fear that I should have (awe of an almighty God) I've replaced with my own will, my own desires.

"Off with her head!" (Did I ever mention that the Queen of Hearts from ALICE IN WONDERLAND was only a couple of steps lower than the Wicked Witch of the West on the fear meter?) But instead of the royal chewing out I deserved for even going to the movie (and for too many situations to even count!) my Heavenly Daddy gave me a loud shout, instead of His normal whisper, to get my attention and then calmed me down for the rest of the evening. Pretty cool.

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you desperately needed the EXIT?