Love Is . . .

My first year of marriage, I clipped the "Love is . . . " cartoon out of the newspaper every day. At first I tucked them into my sweet hubby's briefcase, but he didn't get them. So I
collected them for a couple of months and folded them carefully, placing them into a little decorated jar with Hershey kisses. That made my hubby's Valentine's Day gift.


I can honestly say, that while I enjoyed the little Love is cartoons, there is a lot more to love than the few words provided in the frame.

In fact, there are three well-known types of love:

• Eros is the love most often associated with marriage and relationships of that sort. It is passion, chemistry. Don't get it confused with lust, because it really is love. The best description I've heard is that it is "because of" love. Because of beauty, brains, brawn, charm, personality, etc. It is often what draws people to each other in the first place, so it shouldn't be discouraged or devalued.
• Phileo is the friendship that develops between people. It is a type of love that connects people on a higher level, reaching deeper to virtues, gifts, and the way a person is inside the skin. This is familial love, too.
• Agape is the "in spite of" love. It is described as the Godly love that adores us even though we mess up. It loves the people who aren't lovely, from the most hardened criminals who need to know the love of Jesus, to the Christian whiners and gripers who need to share that love a little better. When God calls us to love, He generally puts the unlovable smack-dab in our way to see what we'll do with them. 

And what we DO leads me to my most important point. Love is not a state of being. It works as an action verb in a sentence and when you really have it, it is seen in action. So readdress the three types of love again with that in mind. What do they look like, sound like?

• Eros - This is the shy looks, the hand-holding. The can't-get-enough of the other person. This love wants to impress with gifts and kindnesses. With spontaneity and things that will bring delight to the object of the affection. It is usually pretty obsessive because its very nature fills the heart and distracts the mind. 
• Phileo - This is the love that hangs out at home. It's the way people are treated when leaving a good impression isn't important. Showing this love can come out in encouragement, kindness, smiles, doing little chores to brighten a day. It can also come out when dealing with everyday people, like cashiers or salesmen. A friendly kindness is as easy to summon as an unfriendly countenance.
• Agape - This is the outreach. The love that gets involved in calming a conflict, going back to the store, giving someone your place in line. The purpose of this love is important because it is God-directed, not just Godly. 

 After 25 years of marriage (well, almost - December) I've learned a little - I hope - about love. I've learned that in a successful marriage, all three are necessary. And if I'm honest, I know without a doubt that all three were present in my relationship with sweet hubby before our marriage.

But I think that the phileo type of love is the most essential. The days of "catching" a husband went out with sock hops. I think of poor fish getting attracted to a lure and then trapped by a hook that they can't wriggle off of. Divorces are prevalent now. There's nothing holding the fish on that hook anymore.

When you marry your best friend, there is more investment in the relationship and no hook involved. It's like the fish just jumped into the boat to be with the angler!

Eros is the Passion. Agape is the Mission. But it's Phileo as the glue that holds a marriage together.

That's my opinion. What's yours?

Just for grins, send me a picture of your wedding or one that you've recently attended. I'll post them on a page. Maybe we'll even have a vote for the most beautiful bride or funniest picture or something. I could see prizes in the future! Email to marji.laine@gmail.com and put Wedding in the subject line!